An Unnamed Blog

2008-03-15T21:54:00.003+05:00

Didn't like Wordpress. Not too many editing features, not free at least. So. On Blogger again. New Blog over here. Still working on it though.

2008-01-04T01:20:00.000+05:00

My blog has been shifted to http://hopingforsanity.wordpress.com/

I don't like many wordpress features at the moment. But they block blogger whenever they feel the need to. Maybe I'll shift to blogger again if I don't like wordpress.

2007-06-14T08:45:00.000+05:00

I forsook writing for so long, I am not even sure I can write anything at all. I have lost my capacity to hold one thought at a time and then take it to its conclusion. I think my mind is degenerating, dissolving into an uninspired mass of dumbness. Neurons splitting up, delinking. One thought suddenly halting ... it then disperses in a whoosh. Another thought takes it place, completely unconnected to the previous one, and then it leaves off too. So there is a vacant look in my eyes sometimes, a vacantness in my mind. Yes, I am becoming dumb I suppose. By why should I really fear dumbness? What is it in stupidity that frightens me? The fact that I'll fall down in my opinion? Or in others' opinions? Or the former because of the latter? Is it the human reality then? Or just my reality perhaps? Corrupted Being. Thats all that matters to us. How do we fare in the minds of others? With materialistic matteristic things and non-matteristic things. Even when all the while, we profess the fact that it doesnt. Maybe my self-esteem goes a bit higher if I see myself well reflected in other people' s eyes. Even if I know I am too hollow, too unworthy of it all. Oh, why do I not hate myself for that? But how do you escape it? Can you ever? Are we fed a constant dose of high praise on purpose? By our genes and our minds. A sense of false importance and distinctness? For the purpose of that survivalistic struggle. Makes one feel not in control of one's self. Maybe thats one of the reasons which puts sense into the idea of the presence of an Absolute Being. So that we submit our inflated egos, allow them to be dissolved. By that complete and utter submission of our selves. A complete self-abnegation of sorts. And meanwhile its the empty, empty, empty sordid self of mine. Empty. Sordid.

And I can't continue any more. I felt I had to fill these spaces with whatever came into my head. But the nonsensity is at an end here. Don't know when I'll write again..

2007-06-07T11:19:00.000+05:00

Hey everyone,

Its been a long while ... there were reasons ... but anyway, will try to be back ... If ever do I get regular access to the internet ...

Lebanon Death Toll Hits 1,300 by Robert Fisk

2006-08-17T12:44:00.000+05:00

Lebanon Death Toll Hits 1,300

By Robert Fisk

They are digging them up by the hour, the swelling death toll of the Lebanon conflict. The American poet Carl Sandburg spoke of the dead in other wars and imagined that he was the grass under which they would be buried. "Shovel them under and let me work," he said of the dead of Ypres and Verdun. But across Lebanon, they are systematically lifting the tons of rubble of old roofs and apartment blocks and finding families below, their arms wrapped around each other in the moment of death as their homes were beaten down upon them by the Israeli air force. By last night, they had found 61 more bodies, taking the Lebanese dead of the 33-day war to almost 1,300.

In Srifa, south of the Litani river, they found 26 bodies beneath ruins which I myself stood on just three days ago. At Ainata, there were eight more bodies of civilians. A corpse was discovered beneath a collapsed four-storey house north of Tyre and, near by, the remains of a 16-year old girl, along with three children and an adult. In Khiam in eastern Lebanon, besieged by the Israelis for more than a month, the elderly village "mukhtar" was found dead in the ruins of his home.

Not all the dead were civilians. At Kfar Shuba, dumper-truck drivers found the bodies of four Hizbollah members. At Roueiss, however, all 13 bodies found in the wreckage of eight 10-storey buildings were civilians. They included seven children and a pregnant woman. Ten more bodies were disentangled from the rubble of the southern suburbs of Beirut - where local people claimed they could still hear the screams of neighbours trapped far below the bomb-smashed apartment blocks. The Lebanese civil defence organisation - almost as brave as the Lebanese Red Cross in trying to save lives under fire - believe at least three families may be trapped in basements deep below the wreckage.

Ignoring the dangers of unexploded ordnance, several Lebanese Shia Muslims returned to their destroyed homes to retrieve personal belongings - including family snapshots and albums that contain the narrative of their lives - only to fall between gaps in the broken apartment blocks and plunge dozens of feet into the darkness beneath. Among the last to die only minutes before the UN ceasefire came into effect was a child who was found in her dead mother's arms in Beirut.

How many of these dead would have survived if George Bush and Tony Blair had demanded an immediate ceasefire weeks ago will never be known. But many would have had the chance of life had Western governments not regarded this dirty war as an "opportunity" to create a "new" Middle East by humbling Iran and Syria.

© 2006 Independent News and Media Limited

2006-08-13T20:09:00.001+05:00

So the ‘Islamic fascists’ have struck again? ( I must say that was a new one in his usual 'they-hate-our-freedoms' speech. I am sure he came up with it all by himself.)

My father thinks it’s very convenient for such a plot to be discovered just when Bush & Blair needed it the most. He thinks it’s a way to divert Western public’s attention from the atrocities committed by Israel in Lebanon. And I can it from the way such past ‘plots’ are perceived in this part of the world that what my father thinks is the general opinion of the masses in Pakistan.

Personally I am sceptical as always, just too sceptical. How can I believe these governments of U.S. and Britain when in the past they are known for following false intelligence leads, for sending people to Guantanamo without trial? And what about that recent Forest Gate incident? But as always not one reporter in the Western News Channels is going to question that. They instead chose to speculate on the nature of the liquid bombs. And parroting about the ‘mass murder’ that had just been prevented (of course strong words like ‘mass murder’ are reserved for deeds undertaken by terrorists alone). One CNN newscaster said it was chilling the way something as ordinary as a liquid could be used as a bomb. Seems pretty familiar to me. Whip your public into a frenzy of fear, so that they eventually stop questioning you.

2006-08-10T10:20:00.000+05:00

'Refuseniks' say they won't attack civilians

The situation in the Gaza Strip remains "extremely volatile" - Red Cross

"Sharp decline" in the humanitarian situation in Gaza after six weeks of siege Report, OCHA, 7 August 2006

Israel's Promise Of Humanitarian
Corridors Is Exposed As A Sham By Robert Fisk

What Do You Say To A Man Whose Family
Is Buried Under The Rubble? By Robert Fisk

Israel's rain of missiles on Gaza and Tae'er's legs

Blogging the Middle East

2006-08-09T15:06:00.000+05:00

Fake facades and deceptive masks are dissolving away in this war for me. People, journalists on TV whom you somehow respected, are suddenly unfamiliar. I watch them with horror as they dexterously warp and fog the meaning behind the events of the war in Lebanon and Palestine. CNN, of course, I am not talking about. It’s BBC that has unhingingly (for me) transfigured itself. Israel’s barbaric invasion is being clothed with words like ‘self-defence’ and ‘retaliation’ to somehow make it less malignant or more excusable. Its losses are magnified, over-emphasized, while those in Lebanon go maddeningly under-reported. The use of illegal cluster and white phosphorus bombs is blissfully ignored. BBC wasn’t exactly the lone champion of truth in the wilderness of misleading reportage. But you always expected better from BBC. It was supposed to be different. I have taken to visiting Electronic Intifada, Counter Currents and Daily Star (a Lebanon English Daily I recently discovered) now. Its sad, painful, upsetting and … outrageous to think of the diet of misinformation being fed to the Western public and every where else around the world these channels are watched. Perfect thought control. I just get more and more of you each day Orwell.

And I am frightened. A terror holds me each day in the normalcy of my life in Lahore. The terror of watching the world, my world spiral towards the destruction of a monstrously huge black hole. I see the corpses of dead children and homeless families, waiting their fate to be pronounced by the lords of this world. And fear that more young people are going to be led towards despair, more of them will be convinced that bombing trains, buildings and themselves is the only choice despite the futility. People in the West might not perhaps understand this despair. I can only describe it in the words of John Berger who, in the foreword to Arundhati Roy’s ‘Algebra of Infinite Justice’, describes aptly seven levels of despair …

The search every morning
to find the scraps
with which to survive another day

The knowledge on waking
that in this legal wilderness
no right exist

The experience over the years
of nothing getting better
only worse

The humiliation of being able
to change almost nothing,
and of seizing upon the almost
which then leads to another impasse

The listening to a thousand promises
which pass inexorably
beside you and yours

The example of those who resist
being bombarded to dust

The weight of your own killed
a weight which closes
innocence for ever
because they are so many

But how much longer is this supposed to continue? How much longer non-Israeli, non-American, non-Western lives will count for nothing? Valueless. Trashed away to apparently save more “valuable” lives. Exterminated, without a thought, as in a computer good-guys, bad-guys war? When is anyone going to tell them that these are real people, this is real world, not a 3-D game? How much longer?

2006-08-08T14:32:00.000+05:00

US/Israeli traps set for Lebanese resistance by Jonathan Cook, Electronic Lebanon

The refugees' fury will be felt for generations to come by
Karma Nabulsi, The Electronic Intifada

Israel Tightens The Siege Of Gaza By Rick Kelly

More children killed in Rafah
Report, PCHR, 5 August 2006

This Draft Shows Who Is Running America's Policy... Israel by Robert Fisk

2006-07-31T14:20:00.000+05:00

There is darkness all around. It is filled with the moans and cries of children, with piercing wails of women. I see faces of children pock-marked with shrapnel, charred with incendiary bombs. Pictures of amputees, of dead bodies that are never shown. And yet I can fish out no word that fits these every day scenes in Lebanon and Palestine. I take out my Pocket Thesaurus. Look up the synonyms of Brutal: animal, barbarous, bearish, beastly, bestial, bloodthirsty, boorish, brute, brutish, callous, coarse, crude, cruel, ferocious, harsh, heartless, impolite, inhuman, insensitive, merciless, pitiless, remorseless, rough, rude, ruthless, savage, severe, uncivil, uncivilized, unfeeling, unmannerly, unsympathetic, vicious. Perhaps these words may combine to give a meaning that fits. Or not enough still.

There is nothing to be said. Nothing I can say that haven’t been said. And if I say it, would it matter?

Lebanese, Palestinians have been crushed, are being crushed, till they are bombed into servility and no one will stop it. No one can. No one at least in this “international community”. How can it when the one who flouts UN Laws and Geneva Conventions is identified as the victim and the one who is resisting as the terrorist.

Condoleezza Rice describes this as the “birth pangs of a new Middle East.” An Israeli official says they are doing Lebanese a favour.

I used to wonder what went on in their minds. In the minds of people who advocate racism in the name of justice. What did they actually think inside? How can they ever justify all of it to their conscience? To their humanity?

Unless … unless … they think the others (the Arabs, the Muslims and anyone who dares to oppose) to be somehow inferior, less of a human than they are, fit to be bombed, mutilated, burned. So they can die and leave space for Israel and Rice’s New Middle East. Stop resisting. Abandon their homes, gather in a vast ground and allow Israel to bomb them out of existence. To let Israel fulfill its dream.

So I don't wonder any more.

I just wish I could let them know they are wrong. They are so wrong.

P.S. While the world is focused on Lebanon, Palestine is going unnoticed. Check the link out for the massive "Operation Summer Rain" as they have named it, going on.

2006-07-31T14:02:00.000+05:00

Every single Israeli action is legitimate, no matter what. It cannot be held accountable because everything Israel does is legitimate.

The bombardments, the illegal weaponry, the demolition of a building, housing refugees; all of it is legitimate. Some people just don’t choose to understand. Don’t choose to understand at all that it’s the terrorists they are dealing with, not normal individuals but the most vicious, the most brutal terrorists ever to grace this planet. Who will pose an "existential threat" to Israel if not instantly removed. Yes, the civilians are dying but that’s not Israel’s fault. In their vast conspiracy to mar Israel’s unstained reputation, the terrorists are using these people as human shields, so unfortunately Israel ends up taking all the blame. This of course is another testament to Hezbollah's unbounded cruelty. Some people just stubbornly refuse to understand. And though the Lebanese are full of rage at the moment, they will appreciate Israel’s sincere effort to root out terrorism once this war is over. They will eventually be grateful to Israel for then these "birth pangs" will seem to them like an insignificant ant sting compared to the ecstatic joy of seeing a New Middle East unfold before their eyes.

Meandering Mind

2006-05-20T00:26:00.000+05:00

I cannot focus. I cannot concentrate. My mind has decided to leave me in the middle of a bog while it hops around happily in the un-bogged green Shire-like pastures beyond. What am I trying to say? What I mean to say is that my brain, my mind has acquired these vagabondly traits through which it is able to desert me completely especially when I most need it. I mean there would be a textbook page in front of me, ‘mechanisms of synaptic transmission’ for instance, pleading desperately for my mind’s attention. Just a few moments out of its busy schedule. And the mind chooses instead to delve deeply into the several reasons why Chris was voted off from the American Idol (I thought he would make it to the final at least). Or sweeps other unconnected, unrelated, disjointed thoughts towards me. There is a vast variety of these 'thoughts' if you might call them that, apparating from nowhere, “Why Isabel Archer chooses to stay with Osmond in the end?” (Even though I read ‘Portrait of a Lady eons ago), the contents of Mahmoud Ahmedinajad’s letter or reflecting upon my every day discontents or contentment for that matter. It sometimes meanders into other dark, mysterious alleyways, which despite their darkness are somehow warm, a warm inviting darkness. I of course don’t want to clamp down on this tendency in its entirety. The exasperating thing is that this happens when I badly, frantically need to study. Could there be a worse example of mind treachery? Can you imagine having your thought train so totally out of your control? Treason it is.

How do you tame this wandering gypsy? These nomadic predispositions of your mind. They (those who have their own will perfectly under control and so can look condescendingly down below) say the lack of will is the main culprit in situations like these. I admit not having this will in superfluous quantities. But the fact of not having it in appreciable quantities does make it more difficult to will my will not to let the mind fly away when I need it not to. Its one flaw I have been having a battle of swords against. Though it does occur to me that my sword might be a bit blunt. And therefore ill-suited to inflict a sufficiently strong blow. That I am also perhaps not trying hard enough. Am I just a slave then? Of my faults? It hurts my ego to think that.

If all of this makes sense please do tell me because sometimes (or at most times), I don’t succeed in my hunting for the right words. I search them in the jungle of my mind but in vain. Like tiny dwarves trying but unable to climb an unscalable wall. Trapped in their city.

Anyway I didn’t post ‘coz I was struggling to keep my mind towards synapses and kidney’s histology and stuff of that kind. I thought about posting at the end of May but then changed my mind. There will be my MCAT around August somewhere so I do have to sit on my books for a long time. Don't know what will happen to my post frequency.

Random Rambling

2006-04-21T16:14:00.000+05:00

Being a girl isn’t easy. Being a girl in a country, sagging under the heavy, cumbrous, merciless presence of deep-set, pernicious prejudices is suffocating. Asphyxiating. It is curious. The way these ancient prejudices work their way through a society that has become a favourable breeding ground for them (ever since I read Richard Dawkins' 'The Selfish Gene', I tend to think some things in that selfish genetic, memetic vein). Perpetuating themselves. Perpetuating their meme. Humans becoming mere unthinking programmed vessels to do their bidding. Like a cell, like the way a cell becomes a DNA-making slave-machinery. I don’t know if you sometimes see those prejudices in the faces of people you know or thought you knew to be mind-possessing, reasonable beings. But I do. People you know suddenly turn around and you see totally unrecognizable faces. As if the monstrous memes of antiquated societal biases have taken control. They direct the mouth to speak, the body to take action. For their own survival.

Yet again ... another bombing

2006-04-13T13:47:00.000+05:00

After Karachi’s worst bombing in nearly two decades, 57 people dying, Sheikh Rashid, our very own Federal Minister of Misinformation , says talking to private channel here in Pakistan :

“Terrorists days are numbered and we would soon wipe out terrorist elements operating in the country.”
As we, the people of Pakistan are accustomed to expect, we know there is not going to have any sort of impartial inquiry into this attack. It’s too familiar. Same old routine. 1. An attack. Step 2. Political parties hinting conspiracy. Step 3.Everyone running their own agenda. Nothing done. A committee formed perhaps but nothing substantial results. Step 4.The attacks, the people forgotton.

Eg, they have already started to point towards a government involvement(which I submit is quite possible):

"Qazi Hussain Ahmed said a conspiracy was being hatched to push the religious leadership out of the way and let secular forces prosper in the country. He said the enemies of religious forces in Pakistan had carried out the attack, which had claimed many lives. He said the only way to overcome the situation was to accelerate efforts to implement an Islamic system and Prophet Muhammad’s (PBUH) ideology in the country.

Is there something, some hope, some hidden stars behind these dark clouds that might lead me into thinking that no, there is no need to despair; we soon are going to be fortunate enough to know who was behind this?

Frustration. Extreme Frustration. That’s what it is. And so I am ranting about the ‘usual’ stuff. The ‘usual’ killings. In the usual words.

Okay I am being a pessimist over here. Let me know of something to change that. Please.

There are a million questions and I don’t have the answers. I don’t know where to go and get them.
Can anyone tell me, for instance, who those angry mobs were? The ones who set fire to petrol pumps, and several cars. Just normal people? Or hidden government ‘agents’ trying to ‘tarnish the image of religious parties’ or ‘some mysterious force trying to blacken the image of Islam’? Who were the bombers? Who was behind them. Does it all point to a ‘Shia-Sunni’ strife? Or does it go beyond that? Something deeper. Some conspiracy? Something that mere normal individuals like me, don’t have the right to know. What do I lead my mind into thinking? It’s spinning and knows not where to stop and look and what to believe. All a web of lies.

Dan Brown and Judas Iscariot

2006-04-08T22:24:00.000+05:00

Dan Brown cleared of all charges ... its good to know ... I personally thought the whole affair to be rather silly ... not that I am an ardent fan of Dan Brown or anything. I like Da Vanci and others for their value as good thrillers. I mean I won't go to his books for a lesson in history. When I first read Da Vanci code, about two years ago, I was all excited and did a bit of research into the whole affair. All of which revealed that he actually got his facts wrong. Though reading Da Vanci did spark my interest in Church History and Arianism and the Nicene Creed and I ended up knowing something about it.

Gospel of Judas found ... Interesting ... very interesting ... there is a documentary coming tomomoro on National Geographic. Figure out the time yourself.

P.S. My ban on Blogger isn't working at all ... I am stricken with this addiction for the internet. Anyway ... gotta go now.

Taking a Break!

2006-04-06T19:44:00.000+05:00

Greetings everyone!

Well ... I am writing this to break to you the news that I won't be posting much in the next two months ... maybe I will but most probably not (perhaps just a story or two). The reason? ... I have to study of course. So if you suddenly notice a lack of posting over the next two months, don't despair, I'll be back after my exams are over.

Just pray that I do my exams well.

Take Care.

P.S. Check this out. The World largest letter signed by Pakistani Children. Sent to them with love from India.

Despair!

2006-04-06T19:35:00.000+05:00

I am writing this with utter pain corroding my body; with tears streaming down my eyes … I am sick! Completely sick of everything! Perhaps it’s just because I just read this Arundhati Roy’s article … she always makes me cry … if I am reading her articles or The God of Small Things (with its incessant tragically beautiful tone). It’s the power she has in her words. The power to move you. To shake you from your petty, inconsequential everyday concerns (comparing with the magnitude of what’s going on in the world). There are people still dying in Iraq. There are people still dying over here in Pakistan. A doctor colleague of my mother had his cousin’s soldier son transported back from Waziristan. Dead. After fighting a war, the reason of which he wasn’t told. At the moment while I am writing, I can hear the air ringing with vehicles’ rumbling, an occasional chirp of a sparrow. Not too far away, the cries of that soldier’s mother might be ringing the air. Just a soldier. Who cares?
Why isn’t there a sense of urgency in anyone? Why do we continue to as if nothing has ever happened? WHY?

Okay, wait … I know I am going to spew forth the normal, useless, desperation-filled clutter of sentences. Nobody is going to listen to me and nobody is going to care.

At this moment, the moment I am writing, I have no real Hope in anything. I know it’s temporary, just a mood. Yes, temporary and soon I’ll go back to my selfishness. Thinking of my problems. And the people will still die.

P.S. There is a poem ‘To Hope’ by John Keats that I love and sometimes when I am sitting alone in my room, thinking of nothing but dark thoughts, I like to read it. It doesn’t dissolve everything away but it does help. Even though it sometimes makes me cry even more, seeing the hopelessness of Hope in my despair. I would just like to paste it. Dunno why.

When by my solitary hearth I sit,
When no fair dreams before my “mind’s eye” flit,
And the bare heath of life presents no bloom;
Sweet Hope, ethereal balm upon me shed,
And wave thy silver pinions o’er my head.

Whene’er I wander, at the fall of night,
Where woven boughs shut out the moon’s bright ray,
Should sad Despondency my musings fright,
And frown, to drive fair Cheerfulness away,
Peep with the moon-beams through the leafy roof,
And keep that fiend Despondence far aloof.

Should Disappointment, parent of Despair,
Strive for her son to seize my careless heart;
When, like a cloud, he sits upon the air,
Preparing on his spell-bound prey to dart:
Chase him away, sweet Hope, with visage bright,
And fright him as the morning frightens night!

Whene’er the fate of those I hold most dear
Tells to my fearful breast a tale of sorrow,
O bright-eyed Hope, my morbid fancy cheer;
Let me awhile thy sweetest comforts borrow:
Thy heaven-born radiance around me shed,
And wave thy silver pinions o’er my head!

Should e’er unhappy love my bosom pain,
From cruel parents, or relentless fair;
O let me think it is not quite in vain
To sigh out sonnets to the midnight air!
Sweet Hope, ethereal balm upon me shed,
And wave thy silver pinions o’er my head!

In the long vista of the years to roll,
Let me not see our country’s honour fade:
O let me see our land retain her soul,
Her pride, her freedom; and not freedom’s shade.
From thy bright eyes unusual brightness shed—
Beneath thy pinions canopy my head!

Let me not see the patriot’s high bequest,
Great Liberty! how great in plain attire!
With the base purple of a court oppress’d,
Bowing her head, and ready to expire:
But let me see thee stoop from heaven on wings
That fill the skies with silver glitterings!

And as, in sparkling majesty, a star
Gilds the bright summit of some gloomy cloud;
Brightening the half veil’d face of heaven afar:
So, when dark thoughts my boding spirit shroud,
Sweet Hope, celestial influence round me shed,
Waving thy silver pinions o’er my head.

- Text pasted from Poet Seers

J.K. Rowling wins the British Book Award

2006-04-03T17:46:00.000+05:00

Yes ... she won it last Wednesday ... the 'Book of the year' at the British Book Awards...

Also if you have been to the JK Rowling site before and are interested ... there has been an update ...
I have always wanted to go through that mysterious door ... but am not able to go to the site at the moment 'coz I can't turn the pop-up blocker off :(... will check it out later ... anyway I am quoting from Mugglenet ...

The Do Not Disturb sign has been removed from the mystery door at JKR.com and, for the first time in over a year, the room is now accessible. For fun, we recommend you figure out how to get in by yourself, but for those who want to take the easy way out, highlight below!---

>There is a stone behind the flower pot. Drag it over to the mirror. Release it and the mirror will shatter. Drag the key over to the keyhole. Now click on the message behind the mirror and then close. Type "reparo" into your keyboard. Click the miniature door in the mirror and this will cause the main door to open. On the black graduation hat, move the gold needle to point straight up. Now you get 25 minutes to take the WOMBAT test!<---

Partial Solar Eclipse in Pakistan today!

2006-03-30T01:01:00.000+05:00

Greetings everyone ...

While Egypt, Turkey, Russia, Brazil, Mongolia, Libya, Togo, Nigeria, Chad etc. (mainly countries in Africa, Central Asia & Europe) experience a full solar eclipse, I am stuck with a partial eclipse in Pakisan, which I cannot see unless of course I am interested in a permanent damage to my retina or partial blindness or something of that kind ... thats what the doctors are saying at least ... they recommend you to build up a pinhole camera (instructions to build one in the same link) ...

Or use solar glasses, if you can get them, but they definitely cannot be replaced by sunglasses.

Wikipedia , as always, gives good information on the entire situation so do not forget to check it out. Check this site too, apparently created solely for the 2006 solar eclipse. And you can watch the actual event over here, sadly not live, but one hour later than the event.

The myths and rituals of eclipses are fascinating to read ... and I loved this article : 'Solar Eclipse in History and Mythology'

Gotta go now ...

J.R.R. Tolkien: A biography by Humphrey Carpenter

2006-03-28T11:40:00.000+05:00

I got this book about two-three weeks ago at the Lahore Book Fair but tried hard to keep myself away from it. Why, you’ll ask. I actually have a book reading obsession syndrome or something of that sort and I do not mean it at all in a positive way. What happens is that when I start reading a book, I just keep on reading it on and on even if my finals are a week away and if the stars are too much against me I am carried by an uncontrollable reading ride and start on another book, even if I’ve actually read that book before. I do not have the power to control. Hope I am able to cultivate it soon otherwise I am surely a goner. So, if there is a book fair in town, its actually bad news for my studies.

Anyway, I finally succumbed and read it and quite surprisingly without skipping a page or two in between. When my mind reviews the word ‘biography’ I get a dull, cheerless feeling, that of reading a half monotonous account of a person’s life ( I haven’t at the moment gone onto reading biographies much). But this one goes on like a story. His birth in Bloemfontein, South Africa, his unusual flair and love for languages at an early age, his formative four years at Saremole Hill (which as the author says is perhaps a model for Hobbiton), his school, then going on to become a Professor of Anglo-Saxon and of course the fashioning of his Middle-Earth and its languages; all of it is brilliantly told in a perfect, savoury language. I would say I loved it.

It tells of the history behind the stories, influences of Finnish, Icelandic on his stories and languages. The story of Turin in the Silmarillian is actually an amalgamation of the Finnish Kalevala(description from the author: Finnish Kalevala or the Land of Heroes, the collection of poems which is the principal repository of Finland’s mythology) containing a story of Kullervo, who unknowingly commits incest and then throws himself on his sword, and of the Icelandic legend of Sigurd killing the dragon Fafnir. It’s fascinating to know!

And besides that I got to know, curious little fascinating facts: like the initial hero of Lord Of the Rings was a hobbit named Bingo (after a set of koala bears, 'the Bingos', his children had) but as the story took on a more serious and a grander tone, the name was changed to Frodo who was initially just a companion of Bingo. And how there was this postcard he got on his return from his journey to Switzerland, and on it was “a reproduction of a painting by a German artist, J. Madlener. It is called Der Berggeist, the mountain spirit, and it shows an old man sitting on a rock under a pine tree. He has a white beard and wears a wide-brimmed round hat and along cloak. He is talking to a white fawn that is nuzzling his upturned hands, and he has a humourous but compassionate expression; there is a glimpse of rocky mountains in the distance. Tolkien preserved this postcard carefully, and long afterwards he wrote on the paper cover in which he kept it: ‘Origin of Gandalf’.” How hobbit might be taken from ‘Marvellous land of Snergs’, a book his children read; Snergs being people as tall as an average table but broad-shouldered and a people of strength, and from Sinclair Lewis’s Babbitt. I loved the part of Father Christmas letters he used to write to his children, with an account of the recent happenings at the North Pole in a shaky hand of Father Christmas,'the rune-like capitals used by the Polar Bear or the flowing script of Ilbereth'.

Anyway, I could go on and on about the book. I think it’s a must read for everyone interested in Tolkien, his life and works.

Basant Banned

2006-03-11T10:55:00.000+05:00

Yes, Basant has been banned. I wish this ban had come earlier and four lives would have been saved which were lost when the recent Supreme Court Ban was relaxed on the request of the Punjab Government. As the News, Lahore reports it, four people had their lives cut off by the kite wires. A four-year-old boy’s throat was sliced open while sitting on a motorbike with his dad … another small girl fell victim to the killer thread (preferred by some people to cut kite strings of other kite flyers, it’s a sort of a competition, as one kite is, in a way, battled against another kite). A WAPDA (Water and Power Development Authority) lineman was electrocuted. There have been several other people lying in hospitals injured from the dangerous kite strings. Children (normally those who can’t afford to fly kites on their rooftops) running across roads, their eyes fixed to the sky, trying to catch a kite just after it has been cut, are a common site in Basant days and run an extreme risk of accidents every year. There are instances of children falling off their roofs. But well thank God the ban finally here. I myself love the site of the blue sky filled with all these kites of varied colours; it’s a brilliant site. I wish people were made to use harmless threads and that traditional kite flying were revived but nobody follows the law here (metal strings were being sold even after the introduction of strict laws banning them) and nobody is made to so the ban is I think the only option at the moment. The government will be trying hard to enforce the ban. I could still see a few kites across the sky, yesterday evening. Can’t wait to see what happens on Sunday, whether people are going to fly or not (some people have begun gambling on the likelihood of Basant)

Meanwhile a 5.2 magnitude earthquake shook northern areas on Friday claiming the life of one person.

A New Template!

2006-03-09T12:29:00.000+05:00

I have just picked a new template ... the older one was not coming except the NavBar and for a moment I thought it had something to do with the ban but other blogspot sites are coming (I am using WOL, an ISP that hasn't yet decided to block all Bloggers). All the banners and all the sites I had in my sidebar are therefore not coming. I do not have time at the moment but I will soon restore them. And can someone please tell me why the sidebar content is coming in the right-bottom hand corner?

By the way, there has been a petition created ... Please go and sign it if you agree with it of course. And check out the google group started by Dr. Pak I mentioned earlier ... there are email addresses of newspapers etc. to write to, for spreading your voice farther.

I know I haven't written anything about George Bush and I do want to, but the almost miniscule time I have on the internet ( after the studying at home and tuitions) is spent on writing letters and stuff ... I will soon insha'Allah.

Spread the Word!

2006-03-05T17:23:00.000+05:00

So the ban story is clearing up a bit ... its turning out that George Bush had nothing to do with it, poor man, when all he was doing was playing cricket with a tennis ball ... and neither is it our government's cutting down our freedoms of speech or something of that sort. Its yet again a glaring example of the utter absurdity of actions our institutions love to engage in ... PTA was ordered by the Supreme Court to ban the sites publishing those famous cartoons but instead of blocking the individual sites they actually banned all blogspot blogs ... pretty intelligent in a way ... saves a lot of time ... Who needs to think and actually see? Just go away put your hand out blindly in the dark and pick up something, anything that is enough to show the upper echeleons of power that they have actually done something. And as for the public, they might go to hell for all they care!

Dr. Pak has started up a google group which in his own words is set up for :

"putting the word out to fellow Pakistani bloggers to join so we can organize ourselves to launch a disciplined, intelligent protest in the print media to have this ridiculous ban revoked. If they want to ban the cartoons, let them do the hard work needed to pin point the individual sites. Why not just shut down the whole damn internet for God’s sake! I for one am not going to rely on their good graces to thoughtfully revoke the ban all by themselves. I plan to make a lot of noise. Let’s see how they can shut us up!"

Also in his words:

"All blogspot.com bloggers who wish to organize themselves and protest in a single voice please come here. Any others who wish to join are also welcome. You don’t have to be a blogspot.com ban victim to be driven to action by the ban. Anyone who condemns this half-baked attempt at righting a wrong with another wrong is welcome to join. "

You should also include the 'DONT BLOCK THE BLOG' banner ( in my sidebar) in your blog, if you want to do something about this.

And please digg this , Blogspot-Censored-in-Pakistan, story.

I am writing this in a sort of a hurry 'coz I have to go and do a bit of studying ... so I'll come back later ...

Update: Write to Network Operations Centre on the ban ... how do you think it to be not right, how it is an infringement of our basic rights and how it is such a bloody (not of course not to use this sort of language) inconvenience to all the Bloggers around and a display of their utter disregard and negligence. Let your voice be heard. Email address: noc@pie.net.pk

Other contact information: Ather A. Baig Network Operations Center Pakistan Internet Exchange Voice : +92 21 2760066/2774258 ITI Division, 4th Floor Technical Block Gateway Exchange Building, Marston Road Karachi South, Pakistan

I know Pakistani officials seldom reply to their mails but you've got to try

Pakistani Bloggers being blocked!!!

2006-03-04T09:50:00.000+05:00

I don't believe it ... I don't believe it at all ... yesterday my last post and recent template changes weren't coming which made me wonder. But now it is confirmed. All blogger sites have been blocked in Pakistan. They are not coming at all with my connection too. The yesterday last-post-not-coming must've been due to cookies stored in my computer. I am under absolute shock. Why in the name of God did they have to do this?
If you are having same problems check this vtunnel site out. Just type in the address and it will let you browse it. So I am not really worried about that ... the worrying thing is the ban ... the curtailing of rights has been a favourite pastime of our governments but during this government there has been, if not a total freedom, relatively more freedom given to the media than before. Now why would they ban bloggers then? Some people are saying George Bush' s arrival is behind this and the ban is here as Pakistani Bloggers out there are too critical etc. of him. But isn't it silly? Do you think the Pakistani media (with the exception of PTV) actually glorifies him all the time?

I am typing this without taking any kind of thinking-out time before and so its just a thorough rambling and a thourough in-shock critisizing. Let me go away for a while and call all the ISPs. Gosh!!!

P.S. ~~I can't insert links at the moment( there seems to be some problem ... hope nothing to do with the ban) so I've put the main one in the heading.~~.. update: problem solved! It seems that in my absolute anger and fury I had forgotton to put '=' in the link code. :)

George Bush has arrived! Focusing on 'radical Islam'. Its always that isn't it? But lemme just watch and wait and see and then compare this visit with the one in India and see if there are any dissimilarites ... as they exist most of the time.

Update : BBC on the ban

Can't think of any title ... just read the post!

2006-03-03T12:33:00.000+05:00

Greetings everyone!

Can someone please tell me why an apostrophe in my entire blog is being replaced by a combination of these weird symbols? There isn’t any connection but is it because I changed some of the fonts in the sidebar? I can’t write to Blogger since they hardly ever give you a personal reply and Googling doesn’t help either … Please lemme know if you can figure it out … I’ll be forever grateful.

Bomb blasts in Karachi just two days before George Bush’s arrival. They say that pictures of the suicide bomber taken from a close-circuit camera may help identify him. I know these are hollow and the people who've suffered may not even read this but my deepest condolences to those who've lost their loved ones, the family of the American diplomat and the families of the Pakistanis dead.

I would have gone into more detail and wondered who exactly did this but somehow I am losing my confidence in everything ... in the government that gives us this news and identifies the bombers(not that I've ever trusted our ultra-un-democratic government in anything) ... in the international news media which is going to suddenly go into its speculations of Al-Qaeda involvement ... and amongst all of this people proclaiming like perfect know-it-alls that CIA is involved to tarnish the image of these organizations. Sometimes I want to plug my ears hard and not to listen to anyone but can you ever do that ...

George Bush is coming today? Or is it tommoro? With his usual sentences of General being a great man, a great friend, running a great 'war on terror', how we need to fight those humanless, conscienceless terrorists if we want to save this 'free world' of ours (Gosh we've had so much freedom, haven't we? Is it time to take it back? Oh ... no perhaps we will be allowed to cherish it a few years longer until we and our General are out of America's good books and suddenly harbouring terrorists or something? ... And sorry for my cynicism. Can't help it. ) Sorry ... as usual I am wandering with no specific direction ...

Will spare you for now 'coz I have to go ... My mom is calling me for something and if I tarry for a moment longer I'll have to bear the unpleasant consequences(imagine them for yourself ... she can be quite tyrannical sometimes).

Will come back later with something.

Lahore stages a protest today. Pray that it doesn't go violent.

My Birthday ... and Bird Flu!

2006-02-28T13:25:00.000+05:00

Greetings everyone!

So ... well ... today is my birthday. I am not much of a believer in astrology (at least not a passionate one).But every year, on the day of my birth, I have this sudden urge to google for a natal chart report. I got this one today. Its soo very long ... I didn't even read all of it.

Anyway, bird flu is in Pakistan, (check the cool bird-flu evolution thingy in the link ... the way bird flu virus can evolve into a lethal strain for humans)in NWFP at the moment. The doctors say it is H5 not H5N1 but samples have been sent to England for further tests. But I bet it is already in Pakistan despite the ban on poultry from India 'coz of the way many cases go unreported. All of it of course means no chicken. My mother has already instituted the ban in our house. It is terribly distressing. I don't even eat much mutton and beef so cannot sustain myself on that. Its just vegetables and lentils then. Ah ... well ... I hope it goes away soon.

And yeah ... Happy Birthday to me!

Lahore's woes

2006-02-17T11:33:00.000+05:00

Violence, at last, in Pakistan too … Lahore was a mess. Buildings of KFC, McDonalds, Telenor burnt(Telenor is sending a message to its mobile connection users that it is not in any way involved and deplores the cartoons or something like that). Burning tyres all across. My mother passed through flamed tyres four times, with the car performing feats of acrobatics throughout in trying to get over the tyres. There is a theory surfing through some people’s minds, my parents included, that the government has some secret role in it. That while maintaining a we-told-you-to-be-peaceful façade, they intentionally permitted such wide-scale disorder to tarnish the image of religious parties or to later declare a state of emergency by means of this newly found justification of uncontrollable conditions within Pakistan. All of which will of course allow Musharraf to strengthen his hold over power, stay on for a longer period, as the 2007 parliamentary elections are delayed. Unfortunately this is not too far-fetched to believe. Rulers in Pakistan’s past have always regarded such disturbances as a windfall to prolong their rule. Or created them if they are too desperate. Intelligence officials suspect it was started by some outlawed Islamic group who wanted to derail Musharraf or something. But if you live in Pakistan you cannot believe those intelligence officials. At least I am skeptical of them. They always have some agenda or another and might just be laying their own blame on someone else. I do however realize that there is too much anger inside the people against the government’s policies and its inner reforms … the price hikes and everything (if you earn Rs. 6000 ... $100... a month you'll be bothered by that ... and of course some people earn even less than that) and some religious party might have tried to use this to their advantage by fuelling up some people’s sentiments. I apologize for all these mights. I am afraid I can’t figure out who to believe. I wish I was out to see it for myself. But it wasn’t like everyone was out with the mission of setting fire to everything. My mother went through all the main centers and she says that it was pretty calm. Just people marching forward with placards and everything. That was of course before the actual rioting began. Whoever started it however, there should have been enough police deployed all around to counter any of the more aggressive elements in the crowd. But their wasn’t. The few that were there just looked on even as some people set fire to buildings and vehicles which means that the government of Punjab didn’t give them enough orders. How can they go on and accuse the religious parties then? The DIG Lahore says that the parties didn’t honour their commitment of being peaceful and that they couldn’t have enough police to deploy everywhere in the city. That is ridiculous of course. Where did all the police and rangers, which were stationed around the city yesterday and that are going to be deployed today, come from? Honestly! … I am sick of saying that I am sick of this blame game played by each and every one of our sectors but well … I have to say it since nobody lets go of it. You never know who and what to believe. All confused and muddled. And as they amuse themselves with this favourite game of theirs, people die. And their property is destroyed. Nobody is going to do anything against those bank guards who shot two people as they tried to enter the building. Okay they were trying to enter, perhaps with an intention to damage but why fire, just like that. They could have just shot in the air or something. Though even that might have returned and hurt someone. But they shouldn’t have killed. An 8 year-old was among those that were killed. But nobody has an ounce of care or concern. Everyone is wrestling against everyone. Just playing ‘enemy enemy’ like little children. And you want to shriek and shout at the top of your voice and go mad or something with all the misery and distress that happens but you know even that is not going to be a cure. There is a beautiful day outside. Mild, pleaseant sunshine and a light blue sky diffused with the whites of the clouds. And I don't want to talk of madness on a day like this. But I do wonder why the entire Pakistani population, excluding the leaders and those that are busy looting this country with their avaricious apetites, has not yet gone mad with so much to tackle with.Indifference on the part of those who are luckier than others and do not have to struggle every single day to to survive?

But perhaps they already have. And don't you think the government has already sequestered them away from themselves? Away from there Defences and Cantonments(do you wonder why the protests and the burnings never happen in those areas). Sorry I am rambling. Thats all I have left to get out this anger that rises up each day.

Lets just hope that the coming marches, if they are going to happen, are peaceful. The one in Karachi was completely nonviolent. Hope we have a standard to go by.

What else but total human misery!

2006-02-09T20:13:00.000+05:00

Greetings everyone!

Today was 10th Muharram(the first month in the Islamic Calender) ... the Day of Ashura .

In the town of Hangu, in the North West Frontier Province of Pakistan there was an explosion to mark the event. 22 people dead.

In Afghanistan, clashes between Sunnis and Shias leave 5 dead.

Before I leave you to contemplate these appalling scenes, I have updates on the cartoon riots. Not good ones of course.

Four people in Afghanistan have died in riots as police opened fire. These fresh riots came as a response to a French publication winning the backing of a court to publish these cartoons.I, as a response, can't say anything. Words fail me. Don't know what to say, what to write. Just give me time to stomach all of this. Seriously, what do these republications are going to give to those papers?

Meanwhile an Iranian paper, Hamshahri has decided to hold a contest, for cartoons about the Holocaust . To test the West, if it is going to apply the same principles of free speech in this case.

All of this is spinning totally out of control.

Seems like it is going to escalate into something huge. Too huge. More huge than it already is.

P.S. If anyone is still wondering what all of those 12 cartoons consist of, check this out.If there is anyone who would want to know but is the sort of a Muslim who wouldn't want too see the Prophet(pbuh) actually portrayed in a cartoon, check this (contains their description).

Cartoon Controversy!

2006-02-06T12:55:00.000+05:00

Hope nobody visited my blog a day before yesterday because it was not coming at all except for a part of my last post. I normally would have attributed it to the sluggish internet connection but I had a day ago made a change in my template & so I sorta panicked ‘coz I know next to nothing about HTML codes and web templates. I wrote to Blogger Support but I think its back to normal now without them doing anything. Must have been the connection. Or something wrong with Blogger.

There is so much that happens every day that you wonder what to write about. My mind is such a muddle of totally unconnected and mismatched things, each of them jostling and pushing in a tiny space, trying their hardest to reach the main stage and be processed and thought abut that I sometimes think it’s going to completely collapse one day. It doesn’t help of course if you, at that moment, have just been through the insufferable traffic noise around here on the streets and have a severe head-ache as a result.
Sorry for my wandering, incoherent, sputtering.

Back to sense-making things? (Or perhaps sense spinning things)

So the cartoon ruckus is on these days …

The Danish embassy in Damascus was torched yesterday. 18 people were injured. Danish flags and the effigies of its Prime Minister were burnt in Multan. I cannot in the least bit justify violence as a means of protest for what Jyllands-Posten and others have done. Okay the cartoons were blasphemous to Muslims but why come down to violence. Such means do not in the least bit assist their cause. Just complicates it further. But Muslims in today’s world have a lot of rage, a lot of aggravation over everything that seems to be going against them, over Palestinians not getting their rights, over Iraq, over Iran, over Kashmir and all of this, in the midst of these continuous declarations of our religious leaders that the West is ever hatching plans for the sole purpose of eradicating Islam and the Muslim World. So when a thing like this erupts up, it naturally has unbounded potential to exacerbate that anger. Muslims are like that active volcano which spills lava every few days … ever rumbling, ever giving off that ominous smoke … they are always on edge. Originally it was their fault …as a result of their decadence, they fell from being the rulers of the world into this deep pit of slavedom. And now they just can’t get out. They can’t even see the light. The pit goes ever deeper for some. They are still falling. Dealing with corrupt governments. With martial laws. With the laws of the Imperial World.I guess all of this has half extinguished their sanity … of years and years of fighting with all of this (of course some are not even fighting) and getting nothing in return. They don’t know what to do so they just go out and burn some flags, some buildings and give out a lot of death threats to let off their steam. There is nothing at the moment to suggest that some of the lost sanity is going to make its way back into the hearts and minds of people. Sometimes I think there is no coming back. That somehow that a not-to-be-pushed button has been pushed. I don’t know. It’s just a feeling. Because Muslims do not show any signs, not even dim ones of something hopeful. I wonder why doesn’t this kind of anger (not the violent one of course) burst out for the cause of education, for eliminating corruption. To Muslims it was an insult to the Prophet (pbuh) but it’s a hundred and thousand times more insulting to the Prophet (pbuh) if the people and nations who call themselves Muslims follow a path, the one we see in every other Muslim country, which is as far as it could be from the message our Prophet (pbuh) gave everything to. Why isn’t trying to become better Muslims our top priority? Why don’t we for once realize this? It doesn’t take a lot of intelligence to come to that conclusion does it? You feel sometimes that opposing the West is all we have to do these days (not saying that their unjust policies should not be opposed), that becoming a better Muslim is connoted with not agreeing with America. A common enemy does give a sense of unity but a unity which is being balanced on thin ropes. You have to have a common ideal to strive for, which we have but sort of forgotten. How do you make someone remember? In old movies you had to have this huge blow to your head which made you recall everything. Maybe that’s what we need. A huge blow. If the things continue like the way they are doing, a major blow (a very, very major one ‘coz the average sized ones don’t seem to get our attention) is not too far ahead.

Having said all of that, there is nothing that could have justified the publication of those cartoons. What irks me more than anything else are the re-runs. The European World is aware how these sorts of provocations are taken in the Muslim Community. They increase the chances of intolerant elements taking advantage of this fury. But they somehow had to do it in the name of freedom of speech. Freedom of speech is an extremely worthy ideal but as an editorial pointed out in The News on Sunday, not something to be “boasted or brandished about”. Someone please tell me, isn’t there a fine, a very thin & delicate line between freedom of speech and striking right at the point where the religious sentiments of a community are particularly sensitive? Papers all over Europe are proclaiming their right to blaspheme, that it is not a crime in their part of the world. There is not much religiousness in Europe and perhaps their right to blaspheme is their because of this secular culture. Nobody particularly cares if some religious figure is satirized. But a society has its own taboos, other ones if not religious. Let me quote the editorial I mentioned earlier: "Deliberate provocation, especially where others’ religious sentiments and emotions are concerned, is by no means free speech. The holocaust was without doubt a monstrous crime of the 20th Century, but the Western Press was up in arms, with some governments joining up as well, when President Ahmedinejad of Iran cast doubt on some of the details of the even. In Germany there is a law - opposed even by some Jews - which makes it a crime punishable by imprisonment to state that the Holocaust did not take place. This example just goes to show that every society has its own taboos and sacred cows and that absolute freedom is just a chimera.”

I am quoting this now from BBC: In Berlin, Die Welt argued there was a right to blaspheme in the West, and asked whether Islam was capable of coping with satire.
"The protests from Muslims would be taken more seriously if they were less hypocritical," it wrote in an editorial.

Who is being hypocritical now? All Ahmedinejad did was questioning. Even if he was wrong, why wasn’t it taken as a chance to discuss the issue? Why an uproar? Why was it considered as a proof of Ahmedinejad intolerance? The protests in this case are more violent but that is, as I said, due to the explosive properties of the Muslim World in general. It didn’t have to be that violent. A more reasonable approach would have been more effective .Bridges between two civilizations are not built if people on both sides just stand at each end, proclaim the need of a bridge, but do not bring any raw materials to actually construct it. All there is then left is just a deep chasm that divides them.

P.S. Poor Arla Foods! Their sales have plummeted to zero in the Middle East.

Back!

2006-02-03T10:22:00.000+05:00

Hello everyone!

I thought I should write something ... anything ... even if it were going to be a few nonsensical sentences ... since its been almost a month ... I've had a lot to study this past months ... quite uncharacteristically I had gone quite serious and inclined to study a bit of those 2-inch thick books even if it did entail a lot of mind wanderings ... Anyways ...

There was a small news report in today's The News ... I wonder if you've ever heard about those people without a country ... Biharis in Bangladesh ... this tells their tale ... it says there are those 250,000 to 300,000 of those people in 66 camps all across the country in extremely overcrowded conditions ... this is another link which gives a comprehensive story ... Back to the news report ... it goes on like this ...

Biharis refugees clash with Bangladesh police
Dhaka: Hundereds of Pakistani refugees clamouring to be raptriated clashed with police in the Bangladeshi capital on Thursday and up to 30 people were injured and 20 detained. Witnesses said the violence erupted when the refugees, known as Biharis as their forefathers emigrated from India's Bihar state, tried to march to the Pakistan embassy. They wanted to hand over a memorandum demanding their repatriation to Pakistan, while other demands included imdroved foog and water supplies to refugee camps including the biggest one in Dhaka's Muhammadpur area which is home to more than 20,000. Witnesses including a Reuters cameraman said police used batons and tear gas to disperse the protestors, who pushed through barbed wire barricades trying to march towards embassy. Pakistan embassy officials were not available for comments. - Reuters

Now with more pressing matters on General Pervez Musharraf's agenda than providing basic rights to Pakistan's citizens, he can't be expected to to pay some attention to it can he? What matters to him if there are a few people in another country without any rights, any home? After all there are more than 300,000 people of that sort in Pakistan itself ... If he doesn't do anything about them how can you even have the insolence to ask him of those who are not even in his own country? ...

The state of those people has continued for about 35 years ... How much longer is it going to last?

Written Later: On the subject of the state of those ill-fated people who happen to be born in a country stuck with a bunch of unenlightened, unfeeling people at its rudder, I thought I would mention those 13 villagers killed by an air strike at Bajaur. By one of our greatest ally! (According to George Bush and our President). I wonder of what materials those invisible blindfolds are made, the ones that prevent our government from seeing all reason and everything that humanity stands for. I was so completely shocked at the way it has been dealt with. A mild sort of condemnation without any sort of apology! Is that what those 13 villagers were worth? I know with the kind of low opinion I have of the indifferent people that rule us, it shouldn’t in the least bit astonish me. But sometimes you begin to hope against all hopes, that some sort of humaneness exists somewhere in the depths of the unassailable Mountain of Indifference our General and Prime Minister love to live in. Our Prime Minister had the audacity to carry on with his planned visit of USA. How can you, after all, dare to miss the ceremony of licking the boots of the greatest provider of your income? Silence is all we get from our general. Not something unexpected of course, He has been thinking hard how to react. But he is a pragmatical man, our general. Pity him, his practicality could only recommend silence, with a hugely manipulative super-power on one side and the angry public on another: your thinking faculties collapse when you come across a crisis of this magnitude.

For George Bush, I’ve nothing left to say. How can you blame someone else when your own government doesn’t care? No apology yet. Why don’t we learn from our lessons? Each time a bouquet of friendship is offered to us, there is knife hidden somewhere masquerading as a flower. But time after time after time we are polite enough to accept it. What would happen if we once refuse America to assail our sovereignty, our self-respect? American government is similar to those high school bullying girls everybody has had the misfortune to meet. You can resist only if you are strong enough. Unfortunately we are not. Did you see the way India handled the situation when America began to put pressure to make it revise its relations with Iran. I was impressed. As I said, we are not strong enough, the leaders of course. They had to rely on the George Bushes to give justification to their dictatorial regimes. To help them to stay on. Democracy is a great thing, just too good enough for us lesser mortals or so George Bush thinks. After all look at what happened in Palestine. You give a people their right to vote and all they come up with is Hamas-like regimes. The dictionaries all over the world got the definition of democracy wrong. They should change it to: “Any sort of regime chosen by America, for America, identified by a group of unelected power-hungry people at the top and oppressed public at the bottom.”
Sorry I am rambling. So no signs of apology and every sign of perhaps another attack somewhere, with the intention of rooting out foreign terrorists. I usually don’t agree with my father’s cynicism but once he said that America could attack our nuclear installation under the pretext that terrorists got hand of it. After Bajaur it doesn’t seem impossible.

2005 and the New Year

2006-01-03T11:34:00.000+05:00

It has been more than a week since I last wrote anything. I did not mean to do it at all but it happened. For two days after my last post, the cold had me in its shivery snare. Rivulets of tears copiously streamed out of my eyes, ample enough to make any Star Plus soap proud. Reason number two was my cousin’s (and one of my best friend) absolutely startling arrival from England. Everybody did know that she was coming one of these days but thought she might be arriving near Eid or something. So I did have to do a lot of meeting and visiting and all of that. Not everyday but on Sunday but that’s the main day I can do a bit of writing. Reason number three: another cousin of mine celebrated her 16th birthday on New Year’s Eve. She turned 16. The fourth reason …J…: My father had a lot of office work this week … sometimes he lets me do some of his googling or rather when he himself is not willing to do it (Not complaining. I love it. Only thing I can complain about is that he doesn’t let me do it enough). And finally the last reason which isn’t really a reason especially characteristic of this week … my study of course has to be squeezed in to somewhere J ). I wasn’t even going to write today (had to study) but then I thought I had let too many events go by without any sort of comment at all: Christmas, Muhammad Ali Jinnah’s birthday (though somewhere I read it is at the moment disputed), Tsunami’s anniversary. I could not therefore bear to let the first week of this New Year and the now gone 2005 to fade away without a mention some kind. Two Thousand and Five: Painful. Too painful. A year of natural disasters: of earthquakes and hurricanes (I cannot believe it was the wrath of God as we hear a million times from the people around us … not to say of course that the collective humanity has done much to make God proud.).A year of more bomb blasts (Amman
,Bali,Quetta), suicide bombings, rail crashings and derailings (one in India, one in Japan). So much misery. How can we even begin to comprehend it? It is beyond what our minds are capable of digesting. How can such colossal amounts of pain even exist without turning this world upside down? Why does it go on, silently peacefully, revolving the way it has been doing for billions of years, when so much wretchedness exists within it? I hate, completely hate the callousness of every one. Hate my own callousness. I am writing this with the realization of the queer disease of forgetfulness we are stricken with (I shudder to think that it might not soon compare with Orwellian public forgetfulness) Let a few days or weeks pass. I am going to forget or at least these deaths will not feature in the top 5 of my daily thoughts. My own trivial desires and disappointments will push their way up. And so much else. We have plenty of distractions, we peoples of the 21st century. Too many. Who will then mourn those who have gone? All those nameless, faceless people, a part of those statistics featuring the number of dead of 2005. A mother weaving rich dreams for her child might have been in the rubble of Kashmir. A teenager perhaps was bombed out of existence in London, on 7th July, his abundant future plans, his visions, his achievements along with him. These are just two people. Try giving names to those 80,000 dead in Kashmir, some 1400 during Katrina, hundreds in Iraq, in London, in Amman and others. Try to imagine them in some setting, with their friends, their relatives, those they loved and you can not go on. Wait … I have an idea. Let us give our few moments, a single minute to them. Put your hands away from your mouse or keyboard. Close your eyes. Think about them, each of them around the world, in this single silent moment. And pray. For the peace of the souls who have gone. For the peace of those they have left behind. May God give them solace and courage enough to bear their distress. And pray that this new year of 2006 isn’t going to bring the distress, is not going to repeat the pattern of hardship we have seen.

There were important deaths too.Those of note-able people. Pope John Paul II’s, Rafik Hariri. May God rest them in peace too.

Meanwhile the people of the earthquake zone had rain and snow greeting them on their New Year Eve.

Now on a lighter note: The Half-Blood Prince was of course released this year to the frenzy of everyone. Lived up to my expectations (unlike some people). Goblet of Fire is still my favourite though. The absolute thrill and the excitement have not yet been matched in the later of JK’s books. And then there was the movie. I would not have liked it all if you had shown it to me a year ago. But now, to my surprise, I did like it, all of it minus the Dumbledore. The reason … I have begun to see the movies as quite separate from the books … and have kind of let go of my expectations to see it match the book exactly. I know it never will. The directors have to include their own fancies and their own trying-to-appeal-to-everyone (as they say). So it wasn’t much of a disappointment as Prisoner of Azkaban. Though I still cannot fathom the haircuts. They looked absolutely horrid. At least to me. Especially Ron’s.

And to my absolute shock … I am still reeling from it … they are showing King Kong in Pakistan. Released on 30th December. They say its thanks to this new company Cinepax that a Pakistani duo from America
has formed: to bring quality cinema to Pakistan. I will remain eternally grateful to them. Finally someone who cares. I couldn’t see LOTR in cinema, couldn’t see Revenge of the Sith. And now at least I can see King Kong. All I have to do now is to convince my dad to take me. I assure you it’s a stupendous task. I hope they start showing the others too.

I have to go now.

A Happy New Year to everyone!

The Cold again!

2005-12-24T09:51:00.000+05:00

It's that dratted cold again! ... this must be a record for me. Six times this year. There was one in January and now at the end in December. What a start and an end to your year. All I am doing is coughing and wheezing and sneezing. And with the kind of laziness I possess, I don't even take my antibiotics properly ... taking the dose a day and skipping it the other day.I don't know, I just don't remember sometimes.So those bacteria or viruses or whatever inside me might have become super-super-resistant by now. Anyways, I think I should go now. My head is aching terribly. Besides, I don't think anyone reading would be interested in my grumbling.

Dreams ...

2005-12-23T09:19:00.000+05:00

Steam is rising in soothing spirals from the mug of tea my hand holds. The room is dark, except for my dear old lamp illumining the page I am writing on (yes, I wrote this on a page earlier ‘coz the internet wasn’t available … besides I like this way better ... there is nothing like a pen in your hand and a blank page in front to fill). And I am thinking about ... uhm ... dreams. Dreams … such a wonderful word … say it aloud to yourself … what a savoury delight it gives you. Your mind stirs up heavenly, glorious visions … you want to be lost in this pool, in this pensieve, of your dreams, no matter the time. Let it toll its knell. Let it tick. The surface ripples. More images rise up. Some of them you remember no longer … a mist fogs their view. Others you see through a broken, tainted glass. Some just newly woven, ready to be more dreamt about, more fantasized about, and to be embellished a bit more; a little something here, a little something there. A few of these dreams (or for some many), you know are never going to tread the bridge that leads the unreal to real. But you dream on. What makes you? How can you indulge yourself in this world of chimera? Escaping? Patting yourself to sleep while harsh, painful realities around you rage on. I know I’ll never understand. Perhaps it’s just a survival mechanism … protection from the innumerable harmful elements that surround. Or maybe it’s the act of complicating-what-is-simple that I am doing. Why not just stop questioning the why of it and just exult in the process. Of Dreaming. Maybe the urge has always been there … implanted in your brain, ever since you were born. Wait …

There is a wind coming my way. I can smell its characteristic unearthly fragrance … can feel it carrying me away. Let me then, just close my eyes and be whisked away to my Neverland. I can tell you, it is beautiful.

Written an hour later: If you cannot make sense of the above sentences, no need to worry. Sometimes, while trying to grasp the meaning behind things I confuse, mix up and render everything more unintelligible than before.I am not a philosopher or anyone else of that sort. It’s just that sometimes my thought patterns thread through hitherto undiscovered regions and I have to come back, on my own, by way of strange zigzagging pathways. Not that it isn’t exciting (okay, its all Rupert Birkin’s fault, in the book ‘Women in Love’ … he is fascinating … incomprehensible sometimes, yes, but still fascinating … not that I can match his incomprehensibility, ever. I am not even close).

Wait … sometimes my mind goes completely round the twist. I think I should just leave, before this gradually-going-haywire mind of mine sputters nothing else but nonsensical gibberish.

Any Hope for Pakistan?

2005-12-22T09:46:00.000+05:00

This constant feeling of doom pervades through my being each day … coming nearer and nearer. Doom for Pakistan. Each day I watch the hapless state of its people on TV & each day I read about the petty squabbles of its power-loving politicians who meanwhile spend colossal amounts of money on their bullet proof BMW’s and special aircrafts. I have been watching and reading for months now, even years. Each time I look helplessly on, like someone enduring the sight of his mother undergoing the most brutal torture ever, his mother being maimed and mutilated. He writhes in agony, struggles to break free from the invisible ropes that bind him. Struggles with all his might. But no, the ropes are like steel. Break them he can’t. He can hear her cries. Feel the pain. He is condemned to suffer every second. Till he goes senseless. Or his mother remains no more. Okay, I think perhaps I am losing myself in the example. This however, is what I feel. What all of Pakistanis feel I am sure, or at least all those Pakistanis who classify themselves as thinking and feeling beings (though we do seem to be having a dearth of them too right now). Pakistan today or the one that has been in existence ever since its independence is not a dream that Jinnah dreamt of. It’s not the dream for which thousands of Muslims were willing to lose everything they had. It’s not my dream. The soil those people kissed, as they put their first steps on it, is corrupted now. I do realize that I am being a bit too sentimental at the moment, but days and days of watching the same people with their insatiable appetites, plundering and besmirching the dignity and pride of your country, sometimes leaves you with no hope at all and in that complete state of powerlessness I am writing this. Not to say of course that there is no hope. There is always hope (as Aragorn says in LOTR movie), definitely. If we don’t see the stars on an overcast sky, doesn’t mean they are not there. We have to wait for the clouds to disappear or in this case, go and disperse them ourselves. So, at least I am ending this on a note of hope. You have to hope. There is no other alternative. But it's easy to say that. Where exactly will that hope come from? From the educated people, in the comfort of their drawing-rooms, who do nothing except launch into their long diatribes against the government? No, only from the people who deeply and zealously care for their country. And I am not saying that we don't have people of that sort. But its such a long long road ahead and countless stumpholes (I am afraid I can't find this word in a dictionary but I do kinda like it). We have to be ready for a long labourious journey. And every tiny step does count. I can only wish for that unity Pakistan's people achieved when the Kashmir calamity struck. Meanwhile, each one of us who realizes the enormous depth of the chasm Pakistan is in, should do his/her bit. So ends this long speech of mine. But its not just a speech. Its something coming out of the extreme frustration I've had. The Kalabagh Dam bickerings raging on these days have a part to play too. I hope there isn't going to be another Bangladesh.

Anyways gotta go now.
Bye.

The two K's: Kashmir and Kalabagh

2005-12-19T11:23:00.000+05:00

The cold, brutal winter of Kashmir has arrived and hankering dangerously after its prey. Pneumonia is already gradually increasing among children, with every other person exhibiting cold. Life has moved on for people elsewhere in Pakistan (not for everyone). There are other hot topics to discuss these days, Kalabagh Dam for one. Not that the topic need not to be discussed. An year or so ago, Arundhati Roy(Greater Common Good article in her book Algebra of Infinite Justice)led me to believe or at least led me to think in favour of the belief that big dams aren’t useful at all … just something that the imperialist powers are imposing upon the developing nations … and being a loafer that I am, I didn’t search thoroughly then about the credibility of her belief, though she did present a highly convincing case. Now that Kalabagh Dam is upon us, I am forced to seek out the reality behind this Big Dam Business that India and Pakistan are so fond to engage in. I need a bit of time to do a little googling and reading here and there for a few days or perhaps weeks so I’ll come back later with that. If any one single entity is reading this out there (though I am not really sure infact not sure at all) and knows something about it please let me know. I need to form an opinion about this. Anyways the people of Kashmir are suffering : Quake survivors blankets appeal … they still need blankets and more help… it is incredibly frustrating … I can’t do enough about it except just listen to the news and get more frustrated. My dad was planning to go there with some of his friends and he promised to take me with him but at the moment it seems that the plan isn’t really going to undergo any implementation of some sort. And my mom won’t let me go with him now, if he ever plans to go that is. She’ll go into a lengthy harangue of how day-and-nightly I need to study for my MCAT, if you just even mouth a single sentence related to going somewhere. And to maintain the patient reputation I have, I just sit there and listen and placate and try to divert her attention through anything that will not erupt her into another of those lectures. So at the moment all I can do is pray for them. If anyone is reading and can afford to help please visit Muslim Aid and You Can Help(Islamic Aid)... or there are plenty of others out there too. I have to go now.

Written Later : The main reason behind my abrupt departure was the undesirable arrival of my brother, who had to play Age of Empires or FIFA or any other one of the countless games of his. I had to go. Otherwise, he just does something(like plugging the computer off) that makes me rue my decision, of not letting him play, for the rest of my life. But I do have to go now.Will come back with the next post.

Topicless

2005-12-18T07:08:00.000+05:00

Greetings everyone ... (though there'll be nobody reading at the moment except me ... *shrugs*)

Two hours of continuous mind-prodding and no witty/interesting/sensible name comes up. Just not in my fate. So An Unnamed Blog is all I can settle for(It's not that bad, is it?) . Anyways, at least the day has finally come ... when at last I am going to write in my first-ever post in my first-ever blog. I have thought about it for sooo long (okay only about a few months) ... there was this and that and I thought perhaps it will be a massive time-waster( not that I am much bent upon saving my time). But my thoughts have become too much for me ... and I am not even writing in my "paper" diary since these past few months ... there is so much to grapple with in this world. The list is endless ... from your mom to Iraq to why is nature going berserk all of a sudden. And then I thought okay thats it! ... no more thinkin', no more hesitatin', lets just go and sign up and so I have :). Finally.
So this blog is going to be a personal journal ... a storage box to contain countless mind patterns that are almost clogging my brain ... my opinions and my interests ... which means Lord Of The Rings and Harry Potter will come top on the list ... *can already hear my friends' groan*;) ... okay there is going to be other stuff tooo like news, that of the world and my own beloved country ... though I am kinda not litsening to much news these past few weeks ... to escape the constant depression that it puts you in ... but you can't really escape so I am going back to BBC and CNN again and our very own Geo ... one of my dad's favourite channel so have to endure it ... though it is good ... definitely better than PTV( a channel I haven't watched since a few years) ... Oooops ... I am digressing. Okay. Coming back. So thats what it is going to contain. I assure you that these opinions are not going to be the finest you've ever read ( you have to make allowance for my fledgling brain ) and neither are they going to be in the finest of languages ( I am still learning). I am not discouraging prospective readers am I? Anyways my point is, read at your own risk. I will not be responsible for any wasted time that might be incurred. So enough warnings? And yeah I forgot tellin' ... this blog might also contain my own petty yearnings and problems and stuff of that kind. Writing everything out has always been to me,as to many other people, like a brain massager; it puts my brain to ease, and enables the electrical flow within my nervous pathways to travel more smoothly (at least my brother has to be thankful for that :) ) ... doesn't mean I am perfect at what they call the skill of letting words clothe your thoughts but I will try ... as always ... *sigh* ... though it has taken a great deal to write what I can write at the moment, being a non-native speaker of English and all that ... Anyways ... I see I already have displayed my penchant for rambling ... though its no way as near as it used to get in my normal diary (though its not long really ... just appearing so in this bigger font) ... When am I going to learn the meaning of sticking-to-one-point I don't know ... I don't think I am going to write anymore ... got some work to do ... Be Back Later ...